Things You Cannot Lie About When Having an Interracial Relationship
The truth is having an interracial dating or black relationship will always carry the risk of courting controversy, whether from your local community or even from your own family members. This will undoubtedly cause stress in your relationship and may very quickly test your resolve to make this relationship work.
Many will follow their instincts to lie when suffering through relationship turmoil, figuring that revealing the truth may be too touchor controversial. The problem is that lying will only double the anxiety you have, adding mistrust and hurt feelings as well.
While lying is always dishonest and dangerous here are some specific lies that you should never tell, given the already delicate situation you’re in.
- Never lie to family or to your partner about the relationship.
Your instinct may be to protect your partner or your family by not talking about your interracial union. Maybe you figure you will postpone the conversation until you’re ready to have it. However, this can cause major problems, especially if you are caught lying, or if your family discovers the secret of your new mixed race partner without you saying a word about it. It’s simply more mature and less scandalous to confess to your family immediately that you are pursuing this relationship, and to your partner, letting them know that your family may be uneasy about the romance. Keeping things honest and forthright will always improve good communication.
- Never lie about photographs and appearances.
This is all the more important in interracial romance because no one wants to have their feelings hurt, especially in person. It’s a hard fact of life that some people are just not physically attracted to other people. If people are clear about who they are and what they look like upfront, there won’t have to be an awkward meeting where one partner realizes—after the date has begun—that there is no attraction. Why, some people have even lied about their race altogether! You can guess how sourly those dates ended.
It’s a recipe for disaster and explosive feelings. Therefore, don’t exaggerate or minimize your unique look. Always use a recent photograph and show your face clearly along with your body type via full picture. Be proud of who you are!
You might also consider talking on Skype, Facetime or another video chat program with voice that allows you to see the person in “real time”. This will prevent any misunderstandings and ensure you’re both on the same page.
- Don’t lie about your background, personality or level of knowledge.
It might be tempting to tell a white lie if you’re trying to impress somebody for the first time, but lying in most circumstances is a terrible idea. Sometimes you may feel tempted to pretend to know more about culture, language or politics than you actually know. Sure, it’s understandable. Your partner is smitten with you and loves listening to you educate them as to your unique culture. However, if you keep bluffing, eventually your partner will figure it out and you will lose all trust and dignity. If you think your partner is genuinely interesting in learning more about your culture and you don’t actually know that much about it, then by all means, read! Give your curious partner some information that will blow his / her mind.
- Don’t lie about major lifestyle complications, figuring it’s unimportant. It IS!
It’s true that love and marriage are supposed to be in sickness and in health, but get real! It’s not at all honest to hide important information like huge debt that you’re trying to work your way out of, or a serious health condition that will require many hours of medical care per week. What about children that you have from past relationships, who may or may not be living with you?
And you should definitely be clear about your marital status as well as your sexual activity outside of this relationship. If your partner believes that you two are exclusive and you’re still having sex with other people, it’s a major violation of trust and could even lead your partner open to the threat of STDs.
When in doubt be honest. Confidence is sexy. Mystery is sexy. But stubbornly refusing to tell the truth is juvenile!
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