In can be heartbreaking, scary and very stressful when you discover that your parent, relative or close friend doesn’t approve of your interracial relationship. Whether you’re a black man dating a white woman or a white woman dating a black man, even while living in progressive times, it really hurts your feelings knowing that a loved one doesn’t seem too thrilled about the idea.
What do you do? Is it time to be aggressive and confrontational and call them out on their racism? That’s certainly what many people do. But it’s almost always the wrong way to handle the situation. Instead, think practical. Start with these steps.
1. Ask yourself if it’s really about the black or white thing or if it’s something else.
You may be surprised to know that sometimes a family member may have doubts about you, not the person you’re bringing home. Talk to your family member and find out what’s really bothering them. Maybe they’re wondering if you’re serious, leading your partner on, or are being impulsive. This can be determined with just one conversation.
2. Are they worried about how others will see you?
Many conservative parents actually grew up supporting desegregation so don’t conclude that their apparently racist views are bad. Maybe they’re just worried about how other people will see you, or how hard society will be on you. Maybe they’re concerned about the family of your partner and foresee trouble. It is true…sometimes you do have to prepare yourself to deal with the prejudices or offensive jokes of other people.
3. Do they not like some other aspect of your partner, besides race?
Give your family members some credit. What if they simply see traits in your partner that you currently cannot see? It might not be a racial problem at all. Maybe they simply recognize patterns or foresee potential problems in the long-term, should you stay together. What might help is to talk to this family member and ask them what problems they might foresee.
4. Are they nervous about it because they’ve never had an interracial romance in the family?
This can sometimes happen and parents or family members that express doubt about interracial coupling are sometimes fearful, not hateful. Maybe they’re thinking that your romance will be controversial and aren’t aware that the majority of people are far more tolerant now than in the 1960s. In this case, just be patient with them and assure them that you can handle the responsibility. Encourage them to be respectful and supportive and that you take the romance very seriously. Your affirmations will go a long way in building trust and getting them used to the idea of some day having a black or white son in law / daughter in law.
Many people have found rewarding interracial relationships by searching online, using web tools like our newest Dating App. We offer local matching, interest and values matching, keyword matching, fast picture matching, and many other options. It’s never been easier to find a black or white partner and follow up on what your heart wants the most. Give it a try today!